In My World of Where
by shattered hourglass
Summary: I can't stand living this way. I can't stand existing. But I must exist. I am strong. I am a fire bender.


**In My World of Where**

By: Shattered Hourglass

Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar.

I can't stand living this way. I can't stand existing.

But I must exist. I am strong. I am a fire bender.

I am Prince Zuko.

:-:-:-:-:

It has been two years since I was banished from the Fire Nation. Two years...

When you think about it, two years is not really all that long. Yet for me, for me it feels like an eternity.

The only way for me to return with my honor is to capture the Avatar. There were many times, so many times that I had come so close. Yet every time he manages to slip through my fingers. Somehow he eludes every movement I make, thwarts every plan, every try.

He goes even further to help me when I find myself lapsing into a moment of weakness. At one such time, he asked me if there was no war, if we weren't enemies, if we would be friends. Without a moment's hesitance, I lashed out at him. My flames barely had time to graze him before he once again escaped my grasp.

Later, I thought about his question. What came from my musing almost caused me to laugh bitterly. Me, Prince Zuko of the Fire Nation; friends with the Avatar. And doing what? Raging war against my father? Playing childish games? Smiling and laughing as if nothing mattered? As if I were free of my duties to my kingdom and he free of his fate as Avatar?

:-:-:-:-:

As much as it pains me to admit, I wish I could have said yes.

I wish that I didn't have to capture him; that we didn't have to fight each other and that the world wasn't consumed with war.

In a world where there was no war, where I was cherished by my father, where I was strong enough to rule the Fire Nation, it may have been possible...

So many things could be possible if it wasn't for this blasted war! If I were strong enough to stop it!

:-:-:-:-:

It is nice, to imagine what it would be like if I was the strong one. Not my sister. Not her. She is a fire bending protegee. She is the strong one. What took me long hours of practice, hard work, and discipline to learn took her but moments to master. She is a powerful leader talented with politics. It was not uncommon for me to have troubles controlling my own crew of few men before Zhao took them from me.

I can't say that I will be missing him any time soon.

I can clearly hear my fathers words regarding the two of us. She was born lucky. I was lucky to be born.

The only person I every received recognition from was my Uncle. He thinks of me as his own son. But I can't help but wonder...

In my world of where, would his son be alive? There would be no war for him to die in, nothing to put him in danger.

And if he were alive, would my Uncle care for me like he does now? Or would he drinking tea with his son, teaching him and giving him advice.

He has done so much for me. He has even accepted the brand of a traitor for my benefit. He has sacrificed so much for my benefit...

And even though I know my Uncle cares for me, I can't help at times but think I am merely a replacement for the son he lost.

I know that it's not true. But the feeling eats at at me. At times it won't allow me to rest at night. It gnaws at my heart, my very soul.

It is like fire bending; an uncontrollable force that swells and grows within you. The flames lick at your insides. It burns your heart until only a blackened, twisted, ugly thing that does not feel remains. It slowly incinerates your soul in a painful, agonizing manner until it is fully consumed; leaving only an empty shell behind. Many fire benders have fallen to it. Almost all are cold, cruel creatures without pity or remorse. And though the fire burns within us, we can never wrap its warmth around us. We can only attempt to capture it for a few, fleeting moments before we lose control and devours us.

It seems that in the end, our efforts are futile.

Fire is most volatile of all the elements.

And you can not stop it. You can not destroy it. All you can do is stand before it and pray that you come out unharmed.

Fire bending is also like this war. It seems so pointless now. I understand the elders' and my father's reasoning for wanting complete control over all the nations, but I can not say that I agree. So many lives have been lost because of this war. The Air Monks have been wiped out. The Water Tribe had almost met it's end only a few days before hand. Countless, soldiers and civilians, have been slaughtered, Earth, Water, and Fire alike. Now, when you go into battle, you pray that you make it out alive.

Many don't. The newer generation is beginning to see things in a new light. They want to war to end, to let bygones be bygones and no longer live in fear of the Fire Nation attacking, or that their loved ones will lose their lives on the battlefield in a hopeless war.

Someone made a suggestion to me once, though now I couldn't tell you who or when even if I tried to remember; but, they asked me something. Why didn't I gather the young, soldiers, warriors, believers, and benders all; and stop the war? Why not overthrow my father and take the throne?

How can I? I would never declare war upon my Nation. And even if I tried, who would follow a banished prince? Even now, my crew has left me. My Uncle stands alone beside me.

And now, now he is all I have left.

Not even my father cares for me now. Zhao's words from the time not long after I had discovered the Avatar's existence linger in my mind.

"My dear Prince, if your father wanted you back, he would have allowed you to return; Avatar or no Avatar."

As much as it pains me to admit it, I know that my father does not love me. It seems odd, that I would say such words with such an air of melancholy. I feel so strangely detached when I say it, yet still I feel as if I am about to cry. It would surprise many, I am sure, to know that I can feel emotions other than anger, my monstrous stubbornness, and a slightly larger than average case of teenage angst. I am sensitive for a fire bender, though I that does not mean I am sensitive by the standards of others. I don't know what has shielded my heart from the flames of hatred deep within me, but it still does to this day.

I know it is fighting a losing battle, and soon my heart will fall victim to the flames and be consumed completely. I know that I am fighting a losing battle.

It makes me wonder why I still go on.

But still, despite my doubts and fear I must go on.

I am strong.

I am a fire bender.

I am Prince Zuko...

Banished from the Fire Nation.


End file.
